Our bartender tonight was recounting her clumsiness throughout the night, and I agreed (it seemed like she was a bit off.) Then reminded her that she kind of sprayed beer on a guy who was sitting with his lady friend at the end of the bar. She shrugged and with a half smile said something along the lines of yeah, but his date laughed a lot, so it was fine. I asked her if she thought they were on a date and she said yeah, maybe even a first date. While mulling this thought over, were those two people really on a first date? The bartender piped in, you can usually tell when someone is on a date because they talk a lot. I motioned to Josh and I playing cards between watching baseball on the HDTV, and said oh yeah, unlike us. She replied that at least it seemed like their date was going well. There is nothing worse than witnessing a bad date. Although, trying to beat your friends in the worst-date competition makes the experience sort of worth it.
***
I had a date with a customer from my job in high school. It was the worst date that I've ever gone on. He was on the football team before he graduated from the school across the river, and just quit his job at the Gap. His best friend was currently dating the head cheerleader/class president of my class. Clearly, we had a lot in common.
Not only was he a half an hour late meeting me, but he popped pills at least three times throughout the night and excused himself to the bathroom at least as many times. Drugs? Prescriptions? Who knows. Unfortunately, the show that I wanted to go to had been pushed back almost two hours, so after dinner, we had another entire hour to kill. He suggested that we drive around town to waste time. Trapped, I agreed. We were headed for the lake and I thought, oh how nice, we're going to drive around the lake. Until he turned right and Road Closed and Turn Back Now signs appeared in his headlights out of the dark of the night. It was wooded, cold, and I didn't have a cell phone. So if he raped then killed me, he could have left me there and the dogs wouldn't have found my dead body for at least three more days. He parked at the end of this dead end in the middle of the woods, and when one thing did NOT lead to another, I had to tell him that I was a virgin so that he would believe that there was no way we were doing it. And he was a bad kisser. He had the audacity to come back to the store a few months later, which was witnessed from the safety of the back room.
***
I had a date with a customer from my job in high school. It was the worst date that I've ever gone on. He was on the football team before he graduated from the school across the river, and just quit his job at the Gap. His best friend was currently dating the head cheerleader/class president of my class. Clearly, we had a lot in common.
Not only was he a half an hour late meeting me, but he popped pills at least three times throughout the night and excused himself to the bathroom at least as many times. Drugs? Prescriptions? Who knows. Unfortunately, the show that I wanted to go to had been pushed back almost two hours, so after dinner, we had another entire hour to kill. He suggested that we drive around town to waste time. Trapped, I agreed. We were headed for the lake and I thought, oh how nice, we're going to drive around the lake. Until he turned right and Road Closed and Turn Back Now signs appeared in his headlights out of the dark of the night. It was wooded, cold, and I didn't have a cell phone. So if he raped then killed me, he could have left me there and the dogs wouldn't have found my dead body for at least three more days. He parked at the end of this dead end in the middle of the woods, and when one thing did NOT lead to another, I had to tell him that I was a virgin so that he would believe that there was no way we were doing it. And he was a bad kisser. He had the audacity to come back to the store a few months later, which was witnessed from the safety of the back room.
Other bad dates that I've been on include: my date laughing so hard at a movie, Gosford Park, that was so not funny that my friends laughed at him laughing, and when we left he couldn't figure out why I didn't get it, because everyone else was laughing. I'm attractive, you're attractive, so we might as well perform discrete sexual acts in the back of the car even though there is no spark at all. Leaving me alone in a room in his house for over half an hour before I realized he forgot about me. Going to a sushi restaurant when you've never eaten sushi (see also: Ugly Betty)
