More Office Humor

The First Time I've Ever Felt Bad for Knowing Trivia

At Trivia on Wednesday, the first question of round five was, "Please name the more common name of Herpes Zoster." We'd been significantly behind the whole game. My teammates exchanged blank looks, and I put my head down. "I know it," I said, then wrote "Shingles," and stared at my lap. Heather and Laura then gave me the most sympathetic faces. I'd gotten it a few months before, due to stress. Shingles, Herpes Zoster, adult chickenpox... All I could think when the doctor told me was, "Isn't this an old people disease?" Apparently, you can only get it if you've had chickenpox as a child. The virus stays dormant in your body your entire life.

It wasn't as bad as the time I saw Michael Showalter doing stand-up and he started going on about all these health problems and... nevermind.

The Key to Getting In

My friend Laura is staying with me for the next few weeks, while she teaches at a summer camp here in Portland. Since I'm not the most organized person, I did not think to get a set of keys to my apartment before she moved in, so loaned her mine, assuming that we'd be able to work it out for a few days until we got the keys copied. I was on a coffee date Monday, and Laura called me ten minutes before the coffee shop closed to tell me she'd left to run an errand. So, instead of waiting around on my porch for half an hour until she got home, I went and got a beer.

Half an hour later, she called me because she couldn't get the door open. (I had at least half a beer in front of me.) Please keep in mind, no one has ever not been able to open this door. She had to come pick me up at the bar, unlock the door for her, then bring me back. Since she didn't know how to get there, I gave her directions. She did not see the sign, drove by it, so I chased her car for three blocks. It didn't help her case that she was holding the key with two hands, two fingers pinching the top and two fingers pinching the bottom.

Apologies for the recent lack of posting, I've been preoccupied with some things. My coworker said that I should write about it, that it'd be very Carrie Bradshaw of me.

The Theme Party that was Not To Be

Has anyone else ever had one of those naked dreams? The dream where you're naked in a crowded corridor of your high school and you feel embarrassed, panicked, and confused? Well, the closest real life equivalent to this nightmare happened to me on Friday night, when I told my friends to come to a theme party, which turned out to not be a theme party at all.

When my friend Tess emailed me this invite, I figured, awesome! Tess is throwing an Office theme party! I can't wait to dress up!

But when we got there, my friends and I completely decked out as Pam, including hairdo; Angela, including turtleneck, framed cat picture; the Purse lady, including multiple purses for sale; and Roy, in his warehouse uniform, including Dunder Mifflin patch and Roy name tag; we were the only ones dressed up. What Tess MEANT was to have an awkward dinner party, LIKE the one in the office. Darcy laughed so hard she cried, but at the time I was pretty sure that she was just crying. I couldn't believe it! It was all my fault! I asked all of my friends to dress up and come to this party with me, where they didn't really know anyone. They could have totally mutinied. But luckily, they can all take a joke, and for that, I'm glad. It's also pretty lucky that I didn't accidentally invite them to a KISS party, or a Pimps and Whores party. In my defense, she did tell me to find a Dwight and bring him.

Slightly Windswept

I was walking to work this morning, and there was a slight breeze. I happened to catch my reflection in a window walking by... and that breeze made my hair look so much better than normal! So I was thinking how awesome it would be if I could have a slight breeze blowing through my hair all day, when I remembered that recent episode of 30Rock when Tina Fey's ex boyfriend came by and he met her in the studio- and she had a slight breeze blowing through her hair. I love that show.

The Office

Looks like I'm going to a party themed "The Office" this weekend. As in, the hit NBC show. I'm totally going as Pam, and I think I can do a wicked Pam hairdo, like this:

I think I'll bring Post-Its and a pencil. Here is a link to Jenna Fischer appearing on FreshAir, and she's really funny.

As I believe I've mentioned, I also work in an office. Mine, in particular, has a bunch of women, and as an office, we spend a lot of time together. Here is a little anecdote...

Last summer, my boss had plans of some sort, it was school vacation or something. She comes over to where the other assistant and I sit and starts complaning- going on and on about Aunt Flo. It's such a horrible time for her to be visiting, and she never wants to see her but she has to because she's Aunt Flo. That their plans to go to the beach and they were going to have to be cut short, or something. And the whole time I'm picturing an actual Aunt Flo, with that blue-ish old lady hair, a cane, rhinestone sunglasses and maybe a red tracksuit (or something.) I'm nodding in agreement and thinking, "It's really too bad that she can't just tell her aunt that now isn't a good time to be visiting, because it sounds like she's all alone in her life, and that's what family is for." Really, this is what I'm thinking, and all of a sudden it dawns on me and I say out loud, "Wait, you don't actually have an Aunt Flo!!" (She was talking about her period.) To which all of the ladies in the room died laughing.

Seperate, but Equal

Got links to two websites today that I found MOST interesting:

http://loannabeek.blogspot.com/

http://www.cassettefrommyex.com/

I Can Haz Cheezburger

more cat pictures


This is my one-hundreth post.

Not for all the Olives in Italy

Last night at the Beer Garden, There is this new bar in the Old Port which has some foreign name and about a million really expensive beers, which we've been calling the Beer Garden. Last night, some friends and I were enjoying a round after dinner, on their deck, just a quiet Sunday night, when this happened...

Guy from table perpendicular to us: HEY! You bitches want some olives?

Me (frowning): No!

Guy: How'd you know I was talking to you?

Me: Because you're looking right at me! I don't even like olives!