The Bangable Men of Game of Thrones

My latest obsession? Game of Thrones. David Simon of the Wire said something like, it's better to have a viewer on the edge of their seat trying to figure out what's going on bore them. GOT does that for me. I've been listening to the audiobooks on my one-way 45-minute commute. That time so-and-so got his so-and-so cut off in book? I was so engrossed I missed my exit on the highway and was at least 13 minutes late because I had to get off at the next exit and loop back around north on the back roads.

One of my favorite parts of the show is discussing the adaptation of the books. I stopped by the new house of some friends of mine and we randomly spent probably close to an hour dissecting details, defending the characters we liked and did not. Also enjoyable is speculating what might happen to whom, when, and where the heck is Ricken???

So imagine my surprise and delight when I saw on thehairpin.com this list, the men of GOT in order by hotness. This series has tons of dudes and tons of sex, so it seems like a natural train of thought. It may be the most shared post they've ever made because of the grievous errors. Seriously. In what world is the HOUND number 7? Like okay, he's tall and broad shouldered. To be fair, he kind of saved Sansa and his demeanor is due in part to his brother who is way more fucked up. I don't totally hate him, and Rory McCann appears to have kissable lips. But with the beard and makeup, you hardly notice.

I've redone the list, with comments, taking out the White Walkers and the Black Smoke because everyone knows you don't have sex with dead things unless you're a necrophiliac (Google had no spelling suggestions on that one. Turns out it's l-I-ac. I missed the 2nd i.) Also left out of Edith's list on thehairpin.com are Varys, Lord Commander of the Nights's Watch, Benjen Stark, and all of the Maesters. But I guess we'll roll with it. Honorable mention for Rhaegar Targaryen. From what I can tell he was a total babe.

Without further adieu:



24. Viserys Targaryen - Horrible. Just awful. Would rather wear a molten hot-crown of gold.

23. Joffrey Baratheon - Does he even know what sex is? Blech. Gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

22. Podrick - Pod saved Tyrion and in the show works some magic in the brothel, leading the whores to not accept his money. But I'm not buying it.

21. Samwell Tarly - It's not that I dislike big guys. But Sam is craven, bless his heart. Yes, he's smart and rescues Gilly. But it's under fight or flight circumstances. I like Sam, to have a conversation about ravens or history. But I'd never want to do Sam.

20. Renly Baratheon - Nice and handsome but gay.

19. Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane - See aforementioned comments. ALSO: Mankind from the WWE circa 2000 called. He wants his haircut back.

18. Eddard 'Ned' Stark - We all love him. And from time to time, one may encounter a DILF. Ned Stark is not one of those.

17. Jaqen H'ghar - What do we know about this guy? Very little. Creepy.

16. Tywin Lannister - Who cares. Other than the Realm.

15. Robert Baratheon - Robert and I would probably get wasted then have a fun, yet ultimately mediocre romp behind closed doors. His wiener would probably be buried under his giant beer belly. Too much? Idk. But he is still the King.

14. Ser Davos Seaworth - In the book, I'd pay him no mind. But Liam Cunningham has this scruffy, blue-eyed dimple-y thing...

13. Bronn - He's clearly into sex and boozing, which could make for an interesting evening or two. Being a sellsword, he's probably in pretty good shape.

12. Loras Tyrell - Gay, but I keep thinking about when he gave Sansa the rose at the tourney. It was for show, sure, but he knows how to make a girl feel special.

11. Stannis Baratheon - Remember when he took Melisandre on the table?

10. Gendry - Clearly an idiot. Hello, you're Robert's bastard! But that shirtless scene was excellent.

9. Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish - Something about the idea of him spending a copious amount of time with all of these woman at his fingertips (prostitues), yet choosing you over all of them. He's also one of the more intelligent citizens of Westeros.

8. Tyrion Lannister - It's not the length, it's not the size... Tyrion wants to be loved, I think. He might try to cover this up with humor (bonus) but given his stature, he probably knows his way around a bedroom. Peter Dinklage is way, way handsomer than Tyrion in the book.

7. Robb Stark - The older brother your best friend never had. Take him to #prom.

6. Jojen Reed - He's 23 now. It's okay to find the little boy from Love, Actually attractive.

5. Ser Jorah Mormont - Definitely more attractive in the show. His sunburn, blonde beard and frown lines... Is he so distraught because he's waiting for the right time to rip the clothes off his Khalissi? I think Jorah might be one of the only true romantics on the show.

4. Theon Greyjoy - Theon objectifies women. He's not the only one in Westeros, for sure, but I love his arrogant, blatant disregard. He gropes his sister's boob, unbeknownst. I'm not going to lie, before we knew that was his sister, that scene was hot.

3. Jaime Lannister - He's got the looks. This is true for a number of men on the list, but some women are really into jerks. In book 3 though, he becomes a much more complex, sympathetic character. Let's also not forget all of the existing intimate scenes we have to go by.

2. Khal Drogo - My sun and stars. Savage horse lord? Or dude just trying to make his virgin wife comfortable doing it for the first time?

1. Jon Snow - The number one ranking goes to Jon Snow in part because hot damn, Kit Harington, in part because of the Egret scene in the underground lake (in the book.)




Also: check this out:

Thirty before Thirty

It was my birthday on Friday. My boyfriend had some of my/our friends over to his house. Drinking, eating, laughing and hugging ensued. So now I'm 29.

I've been inspired by my friends Darcy and Bridget before me to make a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. This is the official list. Questions?

1. Have a week of sobriety every month for the next year.

This may come as no surprise, but I really enjoy drinking. Making a goal to cut back will help my health and my budget.

2. Climb Mt. Katadan.

File under, "Things Every Mainer has done Except Me."

3. Visit Darcy. 

This may be one of the least attainable things on my list, because of vacation days, budgetary reasons, and the uncertainty of her tenure in BCN. But I want to try, so I'm putting it on my list.

4. By the second half of the year, make 30% of my days exercise days. 

I could also put this on my individual objectives for the year at my job.

5. Find a regular volunteer opportunity that fits into my schedule

Actually part of my I/Os

6. Improve my bowling average by 5 points next year, from 117 to 122.

Over the last five years I've improved like 20 points, so this isn't a huge stretch. Just more practice.

7. Kill it in the MFA program. 

This might be more difficult to measure, but I just need to make sure to work really hard. As an art school dropout, I know I'll crush the critiques. 

8. Start an emergency fund.

(self-explanatory, right?)

9. Do a writer's retreat weekend somewhere other than my house.

Bridget went to Martha's Vineyard and Eastport, ME for long weekends this winter. Looked cozy and productive. I might head inland to VT, though. 

10. Wardrobe makeover.

I have some articles that I love, but more often than not I try to get dressed in the morning and think, UGH! I hate all of my clothes. 

11. Spend a weekend with Kate Digby Skinner. 

(It's been much, much too long)

12. Combine 9&11 and sub KDS for Mandy Wheeler and writing for hot tub. 

13. Spend more time with my family.

Goes without saying.

14. Improve my environmental impact.

Buy food that comes in less packaging or recycled packaging, never forget my grocery bags, lower my electric bill, take shorter showers. My job has lead me to over analyze my environmental impact. For example, when I go out to bars and they give me a Solo cup, I bring it home to put it in my recycling. I was concerned the blue dye in my windshield washer fluid was unnecessary, so I made my own windshield fluid. We went to an eco-friendly resort (campground) on vacation.

15. Take the train to Old Orchard Beach.

Always wanted to do this!

16. Develop a hair routine that does not result in ponytails 6/7 days a week. 

Could be better products, better blowdryer, or hot rollers. I don't know. I like my hair, but what good is it if it's just pulled back haphazardly every day?

17. Read 30 books in the next 12 months.

Ones that I've already started don't count. This doesn't seem like a lot but my track record lately has been shit! Any recommendations?

18. Start a private journal (for the first time since I was like, 20.)

19. Improve my credit because I may need it to be better someday.

20. Lose 10 lbs.

See also #1 and #4. It's not that I think that I'm "fat." I know that even at this slightly heftier version of myself I'm still well below the weight of the average American woman. But I'm not getting any younger and at my recent health assessment, although I was within the recommended BMI for my height, it was precariously close to the outer limit. This can also be filed as drink less, exercise more, eat more veggies, less fried things.

21. Publish something.

It's been a while since I've been published anywhere, in print or otherwise. Hopefully this won't be terribly difficult.

22. Attend a wine tasting. 

They're everywhere and free. Why don't I do this more often?

23. Figure out a set of staples to have in my fridge/cupboard at all times. 

I kind of usually just make whatever I feel like. No rhyme or reason. It'd be easier to have a few go-to recipes on hand, don't you think?

24. Find a new pair of leather boots for everyday use.

25. Spend more time at Videoport. 

The exercise will be good for me.

26. Try paddleboarding.

27. Attend a film festival. 

I've always wanted to! Camden? Why not!

28. Mini golf (mini tournament?)

29. Work on a 5 and 10 year plan. 

It's obviously important to have goals. 

30. Reformat this blog.