The Misadventures Continue

In addition to people not respecting my personal space while in line, one of my other biggest pet peeves is bathroom doors with no locks. Because it is just about the worst, most embarassing thing ever for someone to walk in on you while you're in the bathroom. There is no lock on the door to the bathroom in the house I grew up in, so everytime we had guests I was completely paranoid that someone would just barge in. So I always run the water, in hopes that the person on the other side of the door will hear it.

At my office, a few people have been walked in on, myself included. The worst is always when that person gets in far enough to make eye contact. I'm particularly paranoid that same person will walk in on me again, because to begin with, we don't have the best relationship. I go to the Men's room, because there are no men in the office and it's like, three steps closer to my desk than the ladie's room. I recently realized that the button to lock the door will automatically unlock if it's locked before the door is closed. It's some kind of safety feature, so you don't get locked out. But until I realized that, I'd get in the door and lock it immediately. The door would close, then unlock itself, unbeknownst to me. With my pants around my ankles, just about ready to go, I'd squint at the door to make sure that it was locked. There is really no way of telling if the button is in from that distance, so I would hobble over to the door, re-lock it, then silently curse myself for forgetting to lock the door again. This whole hobble thing probably went on at least once a day for the last six months or so. Just thought you should know.


I can't believe I have no comments about the Netflix thing. How did that movie get back to my house?? In addition to watching and enjoying Best in Show today, I made cupcakes. According to People Magazine, cupcakes were a hot fad in 2007. I hope they are wrong about that, because I'd like cupcakes to be readily available forever. In this batch, I used half frosting from a can, half Fluff, plus a cherry. The results? Well, I'm going to finish my beer before I try it.

My Queue

The weirdest thing happened. We have Netflix and it's great... Josh and I enjoy democratically updating our queue, trying to compromise when rating movies. Movies come to our door, we put them in the mail, and another comes back. Until last Thursday, when everything changed.

During Christmas Movie Madness, we were going through movies like hotcakes, or more accurately, cupcakes. Somehow, since the beginning of our subscription, two movies had been sent back, but never received. The first time I thought, how strange! The second time, I thought, am I doing something wrong? And when I realized that Netflix hadn't received yet a third movie, the Charlie Brown Christmas, I really worried. If we reported another movie missing, again, it was going to look very suspicious. It was suspicious.

Last Thursday, Charlie Brown showed up in our mailbox, with no red envelope. Just the movie, in the sleeve, in our box. But how? Was someone stealing, watching, then returning our movies? Was it our neighbors? Was it purposeful? Something isn't right here.

I told Josh that we needed to stop leaving the movies for the letter carrier to pick up when he drops off the mail, that we need to start putting them in the blue USPS receptacle. But that didn't work. Saturday, on our way to Rivalries, I had two movies in my bag. One was Joyeux Noel, the other Easy Rider. We hadn't actually watched either. For anyone who doesn't have first hand experience, the packaging you receive the disc functions also as the return packaging. To return a movie, you tear off the front, which has your name and address, slip the disc in, and it seals. Josh tore off the front and sealed both of the movies. I put them in a mailbox across the street from the Asylum. There, I thought, try and take my movies now.

I suppose one could argue that what happened next is possible. Maybe I was distracted, or tipsier than I thought, and maybe one of them fell to the ground, or wasn't sealed properly or my name and address was still on it. I asked Josh three times if something could have gone awry when we were sending those movies back, and he said absolutely not, he is totally, completely positive. He was there, he sealed the envelope himself.

Joyeux Noel arrived in our mailbox yesterday. It was in an opened, but the front had not been torn off, rather, just taped closed. Now, how did it become reunited with the portion that has my mailing address? Did someone commit a Federal offense to take our movies? Is someone screwing with us?

More updates to come.

Who is this?

Last night, after eating delicious homemade pizza with Darcy and Heather, watching King of Kong and developing a crush on Steve Weibe, I reluctantly accompanied Josh to Rivalries, for the Patriots vs. Jacksonville. It was ridiculously packed, I mean, you could not turn around without bumping into the people surrounding you on all sides. If two years ago, you told me that I would have been at Rivalries, watching football, on that very night, I would have never believed you. Rivalries, for those who have not been there, is a dude bar. The front of house staff is entirely female, there are a million TVs, and the only girls who are there, except of course yours truly, are the kind of girls who wear pointy heels with their pink Manny Ramirez t-shirts, with the exception of the occasional over 40 married couples. Plus, I don't know anything about football. I can't even name more than one player on the Patriots, and the only reason I know that one is because he's dating Gisele!

Anyway, it used to be unlikely that I'd ever be there at that time. So I tried to think of someone who would appreciate the humor. My friend Gerry, who engineered the biggest tampon in existence, first taught me about Chuck Klosterman and has a nice smile, was a customer turned friend a few years ago. When I still thought of myself as "cool." Gerry, among other things, like the local music scene, drinking, and sports. We could not have been more different. He seemed to be the perfect person to be given the opportunity to make fun of me, so I sent him a text message that read: "Just wanted to let you know that I'm at Rivalries, and it's a klusterfuck." He responded, "Who is this?"

So much for my self deprecating humor that night.

Olestra

I am a bargain-loving, surplus, salvage, thrift store shopper. So while on a short break from work to CVS, the closest place to grab a soda or other carbonated beverage, I noticed there were some Pringles on sale. As I might have mentioned before, around 3:00 I hit what we call "The Three O'clock Slump," which is a point in my day where I have to force myself to not lay my head down on my desk and doze, let alone get anything done. Great way to break the slump: salty snack. So I buy the Pringles, which are only $.99, an awesome deal, and promptly devour half the can that afternoon. I probably would have done so even if they weren't the low-fat kind. The low fat part was sort of an added bonus.

Until the Monday Morning Meeting the next Monday, and I'm informed, I ate half a can of Pringles made with OLESTRA, which causes anal leakage! Anal Leakage! I couldn't believe it, but then also couldn't stop thinking about my bowl movement for the rest of the day. Like, I just farted. Could something have leaked? How can I tell? Do I feel it? ...What a nightmare.

And if you love talking about bowel movements, go to the poopreport.com, where you can learn, among other things, what it actually means if your poop floats.

Lifetime Supply

Today Josh and I played one of our favorite games, tentatively titled, Throw Amanda Off the Bed. This is a game in which he tries to throw me off the bed, and I resist for as long as I possibly can, until it looks like I will fall and crack my head open, then I grab a hold of him for dear life, hoping either my weight or the momentum will bring him down with me. I think maybe we should get out more.

He also asked me today if I could have a lifetime supply of something, what would it be. Answering this question, in my opinion, is sort of like answering If money wasn't a factor and you could do anything for the rest of your life, what would it be? The first thing that pops into your head- that's it! Though he refused to actually answer for himself (the joy of life is right up there with money, doesn't count) he seemed disappointed when I said, "John Freida hair products." In my vision, the lifetime supply works like a coupon- if I was using a coupon to buy John Freida hair products, the coupon would say, buy one get one, or 50% off any product. Buying hair products is almost on the same level as going to the dentist... I know that it's for my own good, but I really, really don't want to. Hair is very important one's self-esteem, and now that long hair is back in full swing, it needs to be tamed, styled and cared for. The demand will only stop if I die, shave my head or get old and lose my hair. My runner up choice was navel oranges. The lifetime supply should be something you want, but isn't a necessity.

HAP-py New Year!

Last night Josh, Mandy and I went to a party. Every time I walk to a New Year's Eve party, inevitable I'll feel like I'm in the movie 200 Cigarettes. Once there, we drank from a keg and a large dog barked angrily at me twice. The dance party mix was lackluster, the band's drummer was out of town, but at the stroke of midnight, I was just where I wanted to be.

Now, a brief reflection on the past year:

Josh and I moved in to this huge, cheap, drafty Howard Street apartment, and we like it.

My boss had a nervous breakdown, there was turmoil in the office, I thought I was going to get canned... but everything is back on track.

Had my first ever Spring Break with Darcy. WOOOO!

Traveled to Chicago for the first time, loved it. Especially that bean thing. Stayed in the fanciest hotel ever, and the girl at the front desk asked me, "Is that a Thursday tattoo?"

Almost fell into a blogging scam.

Learned to cook like my life depends on it.

Went on my first work-related overnighter.

Discovered the joys of Harpoon Winter Warmer and making Margaritas at home.

No closer to getting my car back on the road, but someone got flashed on the bus. Reason enough for me to not give up hope.

New York with Josh and his family for Thanksgiving- a weekend I'll never forget.

Heather moved to the East End and we spend all of our time not venturing further than Washington Avenue.


Anything else? Showed Andrea the time of her life when she was thinking of moving here. Laura moved to Bloomington. My nephew started walking and now actually laughs instead of squawking like a duck. Oh, and them Red Sox.