True Love Will Find You in the End

This is a message of hope. 


And heartache.


And a large amount of bullshit. About a week ago I noticed that my old roommate, Julia, posted on Facebook, "know any good breakup songs?" I, having been through a breakup or two myself, and a lover of pop music know all about the breakup songs. She received a lot of responses on this post, but other than Cee Lo Green's Fuck You, I didn't think that there were all that many appropriate breakup songs, mostly songs that were too obtuse or angry for her to actually be interested in listening to. So I decided to make a mix. I love an excuse to make a good mix. 


Breakup songs. To understand what makes a good breakup song, or the criteria of what makes a song appropriate for this list, it's important to think about the various different states of emotions and various circumstances of a breakup...  sorrow, despair, loneliness, regret, rejection, vengeance, loss, triumph, joy, relief, guilt, hope, solace, grief,  disbelief, denial, depression, bitterness... and the list could go on and on. Lots of stand up comedians (and movies producers) make their living trying to somehow relate to some of these feelings. For this breakup mix, even though I had no idea what Julia's situation was, how long they were together, who initiated the breakup, I tried to cover all the bases. 


After scouring my iTunes for days, I also used my mad Google skills to find this site, a comprehensive top-100 list in which to compare my rough draft list. There were a couple of songs there that either I did't have or thought couldn't quite fit into my mix. Some notable exclusions, Careless Whisper, Against All Odds, Popular (Nada Surf- three important rules for breaking up... should've been my opener), I Fall to Pieces, I Will Survive... Then there were all of those songs Johnny Cash put out after June Carter passed away... death. The ultimate breakup. I might need to make a volume two.  


I believe I titled it, "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry so Fuck You."

I Think I Need a New Heart - "Time stands still, all I can feel is the time standing still, as you put down your keys, and say don't call me please... You've lied too, but let's assume that I can't tell the truth, unless I put it in a song... I'll never stay to say Happy Anniversary, so I think I need a new heart." I guess this guy is talking about his own insecurities about not being able to truly love someone like they (and let's face it, everyone who has love to give) deserve. There are probably a lot of songs from the double disc monster 69 Love Songs that could be included on this list, and I picked the one that was featured in a fucking cat food commercial. 


5 Years Time - This song is deceptively joyous with the claps and whistling and ukuleles...  in reality, at some point in a relationship, you realize that it might not last forever. "And though really all these moments are just in my head, I'll be thinking about them as I'm lying in bed... In five years time, I might not know you, in five years' time, we might not speak a word." Lying in bed, thinking... yeah. This is, for me, the period of time before reality sets in, before you give the stuff back or run into each other in passing. Kind of a, "Did this really happen?" moment. 


I and Love and You - In a way, all songs about love can also be about a breakup- the idea of revisiting that moment that you realized you felt it- and mourning the loss. For me, this song is about realizing you've fallen out of love with someone."My hands they shake, my head it spins, oh Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in. Three words that became hard to say, 'I and Love and You.'"


I See a Darkness - Tim and I have fought about this song. I would say that it's the most depressing song I've ever heard, and he would argue that in the rest of the album it gets better and that I just need to take it off repeat, or whatever. When I first moved to Portland, I would sit in the living room of the teeny tiny Market Street apartment Mandy and I shared, with this song on repeat and sob uncontrollably. "Then I see a darkness, did you know how much I love you? Is a hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness." Like maybe if somehow you could convince them of how much you love them, seriously, they'd reconsider. This is a song for the breakupee.


I Found a Reason - This Cat Power cover is so sad in comparison to the original by the Velvet Underground. "I do believe, in all the things you say, what comes is better than what came before." We've all heard this line before in a breakup talk, "You can deserve better, you can do better." And yes, it's probably true if that person has the audacity to undermine your judgement in who you decide to give your love to. These lyrics strike me as both hopeful and disheartening. Hopeful that you'll find someone new who will make you happy, but also disheartening in that you're now burdened with the incredible task of finding that new person.


Ain't it Strange - "Ain't it strange, cause I'm always thinking of you, I need you here... Baby I don't mind, but I know how soon you'll forget me." Yeah. It stings to think about other person in your relationship moving on, like all of the time you spent together was insignificant, or something. I'm always the last one to get over it.


Crown of Love - This was an important change in tone in the mix, and if I understand the crown of love has fallen from him because he screwed up somewhere, and he's trying to get his lover back, because he's still incredibly in love with her. Arcade Fire's Funeral is also arguably my favorite record of all time (yup, going there, saying it, don't care what you think,) and I usually try and sneak a track onto most mixes.


I'm Not Crying - "You can't break my heart, because it's liquid, it melted when I met you. I'm not crying... it's just been raining... on my face." Awesome. 


Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again - Josh and I used to make mixes together all the time, and I think this song came up on a "Rainy Day" mix that he was working on. "Here comes that rainy day feeling again, and soon my tears they will be falling like rain." 


You Just Keep Me Hanging On - Thank you, Diana Ross, for showing us what empowered women look like.  The male love interest in this song is such a manipulative bastard and will not leave her alone. We've all had those times, in a moment of weakness, sometimes there's alcohol involved, where we send a text, write an email, sometimes even *gasp* call. Don't be like the guy she's singin' about here. Let it go.


You Can Go Your Own Way - We're clearly arriving at the "I want to get over you" part of the mix. "Loving you isn't the right thing to do," then later repeated like a dozen times, "You can go your own way." The love hexagon in this band made for some crazy awesome songwriting. Of course, they were all on tour together, so there was no way to go their own way.


These Arms of Mine - Oh, wait, and we're back to sad. I picked James Carr's version because it's slightly more heartbreaking Otis Redding's version, and I also wanted to use a different Otis Redding song later... This is an incredible song, regardless of who sings it, and takes one completely different meanings to people who are in love and out of love.  "These arms of mine, they are lonely, lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine, they are wanting, wanting to hold you." You know the feeling of being used to sleeping next to someone, then all of a sudden they aren't there anymore. What was once their side of the bed is like a black hole, or that cavern that guy falls in then has to cut his forearm off to save himself in "Between a Rock and a Hard Place, " now a major motion picture starring James Franco. 


About Today - When I think about the National, I think about this song. "How close am I to losing you... Tonight you just close your eyes and I just watch you slip away." It's got to be the violins that make this song so heartbreaking for me. But it also seems like the singer has no idea what he's done to be put in this situation where he's losing something he loves. 


I've Been Loving You Too Long - I decided to include this song after seeing it on that top 100 breakup song list. I'd say more, but I'm still so sad from listening to that National clip.


Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Two ex-lovers are at a party and they're introduced by some mutual friends who didn't know they were once lovers. (Welcome to Portland.) 


Kiss Off - This is for those moments in the breakup process when you're really angry and bitter, a how could you do this to me!? sort of thing. I seem to remember turning this up extremely loud, on repeat and jumping on my bed and yelling "TEN TEN TEN TEN FOR EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING!!"


Why Bother - "Why bother, it's gonna hurt me, it's gonna kill when you desert me," Like, I've been through this, I know how it ends, I might as well just stop while I'm ahead. Pinkerton is another one of my all time favorite albums, which is how this song made it to this mix.


Since U Been Gone - Although there's never a situation in which I approve of the use of U instead of You, this song does an excellent job narrating a relationship from beginning to end in less than four minutes. Darcy and I have had a number of maximum volume sing alongs to this song. Thank you, Kelly Clarkson, for reminding us that more often than not, things eventually get a lot better after ending an unhappy relationship.


Fuck You - Cee Lo says what we're all seriously thinking, but the brilliance of this song is that the swear is so misplaced in the song itself. You expect the f-bomb in certain kinds of songs, but this isn't one of them, "I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough, I'm like fuck you, and fuck her too." A cynic would've ended the mix here.


True Love Will Find You in the End - I honestly believe if you work hard to be happy in life, to be a good person, don't give up on yourself, open your heart and let love in (oh gosh I'm going to stop here before I accidentally vomit on my keyboard), true love will find you in the end. 


 

AT&T vs. Christo and Jeanne-Claude

I am an At&t customer. I like my iPhone. Despite the ridiculously high bill I get every month, and the lack of service in my apartment, I'm happy with my cell phone provider. I was just watching Glee* on Hulu, one of my favorite passtimes, when this commercial for At&t kept playing. At the end, there's a disclaimer saying that the artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude have no direct or indirect affiliation with At&t. 

For some reason, I find this incredibly irritating, and I thought maybe I'd share with you to make a judgement for yourself. Maybe I just think that Christo and Jeanne-Claude are incredible artists and shouldn't be touched with a ten-foot pole. It also helps make me really excited for my modern art history class next semester.

 

Christo and Jeanne-Claude
The Pont Neuf Wrapped, Paris 1975-85
Photo: Wolfgang Volz
©1985 Christo

\

Christo and Jeanne-Claude
The Gates, Central Park,
New York City, 1979-2005
Photo: Wolfgang Volz
©2005 Christo and Jeanne-Claude

*I had no idea that Cee Lo Green's song featured on the show was actually an edited version until way later.

Harry Potter and the Super Big Gulp

Today was really uneventful but I'm going to tell you about it anyway.

Class this morning was marine biology. We finally watched a video of a tiger shark destroying a sea turtle. I got a C on my exam, then went to meet Micaela in the Woodbury Campus Center. We caught up a bit, it was nice to see her, but I had to get to my eye exam. It was a follow-up appointment for my contact fitting, and listened to the Moth podcast the whole way there. Although I was at Maine Eye Center for an entire hour, only ten minutes was with the doctor. Totally worth the wait, right? During my ridiculously long wait, I did find out that in a survey of Travel and Leisure readers, Portland, Maine ranked in the top five cities in the country for safest and best beer, though something seems a little off that those two categories are together. 

I left the Maine Eye Center, which is over by Denny's. I chose this optometrist due to it's proximity to my old apartment in the St. John Valley. Normally, when I go back to that neighborhood, I get a pint and a sub from Pizza Villa. But, since I'm trying to cut back on that sort of behavior (drinking alone, during the day), I decide to skip it. But it's almost 2, I've only had coffee all day and am totally starving. Other than the Villa, I think there are two options, McDonald's, or Kim's. Joe Ricchio indicates that Kim's is one of the top ten things to eat in Portland, but sometimes I get minor anxiety going to a new place for the first time. But why I never made it there the eight months I was living two blocks away- still a mystery.

There's little deliberation. I get a McChicken, a cheeseburger, and a small order of french fries. This is similar to an order that I make at Wendy's, sub the cheeseburger for the jr. bacon cheeseburger, and the McChicken for the cripsy chicken sandwich. The price is about the same for both of these orders, but the Wendy's experience is much better. 

So, I'm walking down St. John Street, McDonald's in hand, on my way to the bus, and someone beeps and waves to me from a black Subaru. I don't know who was in the passenger seat waving, but I believe the only two people I know who own that car happen to be the two owners of a certain bowling alley I recently stopped working at. Great, so it looks like I'm unemployed,and eating fast food between turning tricks on St. John Street. 

The bus is on time,  I get home pretty quick, and alternate between reading blogs and gchatting for the next few hours. I was feeling compelled to see a movie on my very limited budget, since it's Super Bargain Tuesday. I couldn't decide between the new Zach Galifinakis, but I also couldn't ignore the nagging desire to see the new Harry Potter. So I went to 7-Eleven and picked up SUPER Big Gulp:

When I Google imaged the Super Big Gulp, I also learned that there in a Super Big Gulp there is: Sugars, total: 128g, Calories, total: 512, Calories from sugar: 512 (38 oz soda + 6 oz ice) source, http://womenonwellness.com/sweet-poison/. I, of course, knew this, and got diet. Heh heh.

So I decide to go to Due Date, it's alright, I laugh a few times. It was mostly forgettable, and my bladder was busting, so I waited in line at the bathroom. On my way down, I walked into a busy lobby, and open doors to the Harry Potter movie.... and I snuck in. Oh, and as my foot crossed the threshold, I reverted to my 17 year old self.

Do I need to get out more?

Damn you autocorrect!

This image came from damnyouautocorrect.com, which might only be funny to iPhone people... I don't know. But Mandy and I were texting, as we often do, and this is an autocorrect error that she made to me. This is her phone, I'm 'panda.'

Blog Love

There is this new Portland fashion blog called Fore Front Fashion. I'm on board with a lot of things they do, feature local shops, stop random people on the street and say hey! you look great! But recently, I had to step in because their post on local Etsy shops was a bit lackluster. I made some contributions and they gave me some credit here.

I like contributing to things like that, since I wouldn't exactly call me and my L.L. Bean boat and tote bag on the cutting edge of fashion. It's usually either jeans and a tshirt, jeans and an oversized wool sweater, or the 'just rolled out of bed' look. Maybe someday...

While we're on the subject, though, here are some things I wouldn't mind living without:

I've made some sort of name for myself?

My former coworker and current friend Michaela and I had this conversation about a month ago, around 1 a.m. I had finished work early that night, bowled a little bit, and was home before last call.

Michaela: I was outside and someone said I love Amanda.  Bahahahahaha!

M: They were talking about you. I asked then laughed at them.

(the next morning)

Amanda: What?? Was is Kill the Karaoke people? I don't even know most of the people who were hanging out last night.

M: No it was random bowlers haha

A: Oh, that's so weird! How'd they know who I was? I have a bowling name!

M: Umm maybe you served them?

A: I stopped serving at 11.

A: WEIRD

Grocery Store Juggling Party

Here's another short video of me doing something silly in a grocery store:



When life hands you lemons... just try juggling.

This is my "Bah, Humbug" post

Let me tell you, I've grown to pretty seriously despise the Holiday Season. I'm terrible at giving gifts and I'm terrible at receiving gifts. And, I know that it's rare for me to get serious here on Misadventures, but I think it's time for a real-life update.

It all started here, when I became a National Public Radio story in 2008 for my Christmas Movie Madness. Here is what people had to say about me:

"Unfortunately all the x-mas movies in the world won't bring her 'rents back together. It is a reality she needs to accept. All she can really do it try to make the best of the situation. My heart goes out to her but if we all lived our lives by what we saw in the movies we would lead a rather sad existence."


" The lesson that still needs to be imparted is that the spirit of Christmas is not about what's in it for you (her) --- it's about the joy we create get when we give to others. I hoped for a minute that in her talking with family, the word SHARING would enter into the dialogue, either as spoken by the young lady or by the writer. The sharing of feelings, good and bad, is on the right track. Perhaps she might have learned that she was not the only one struggling with broken fairy tale memories. Hopefully, Miss Pleau can get past her needs and start to view the holidays as opportunities where she can explore what she can do for others, and not just what others - or movies – should be doing for her. I can guarantee that in the giving, she will get back so very much more."

If that's not a mood-killer, I don't know what is. Furthermore, I believe I spent the majority of Christmas Day alone that year, until the White Heart opened at 9 or whatever.  Christmas Movie Madness was just a way for me to get Josh to watch all of my favorite Christmas movies, sort of, amp up the spirit for a change. But in order to turn it into NPR fodder, he needed an angle. I became a sad, shallow, lonely child of a divorce.

Last year, I was in a car accident on December 13, the Sunday before finals week and less than two weeks before Christmas Day. The airbag hit my eyeball and I totaled my car. It was unclear whether I was going to ever see 100% in my right eye or if I was going to have to go home with a maimed face. I postponed most of my tests. My face healed pretty quickly, but there are still times when I struggle with seeing/reading things. The other day my friend Stephen said that he got a black eye from hitting his face on the car door, and I misread it as cat door. I went home for Christmas that year, but I spent most of the day in bed instead of spending quality time with my family.

This coming year, still single and counting, I was pretty psyched that I had the opportunity to work on both Thanksgiving and Christmas. It gave me complete control over when I would see my family and make the holidays more like normal days that we get to spend together, with good food and maybe some presents. But I was let go for a serious act of misconduct. I've never been fired before. I'm not looking for sympathy, god no, I deserved to be fired. I couldn't be more guilt-ridden and ashamed. If I could take back any day in my life, and there are a lot to choose from, it would choose that day, without a doubt. It's not every day you find a job you really enjoy and pays well. But of all the things that are going to change as a result of my new employment status, I might've ruined Christmas again. 


There are some positive changes, though. Instead of spending my afternoons in restaurants (bars) killing time after class and before work, I'm rediscovering my love for fresh-brewed iced tea and cooking. I can now officially say that I'm supporting myself solely on my writing (Thank you, Free Press!). Oh, and recently I discovered that my Music Seen pieces for the Phoenix are actually available online here. I'll get to go home for multiple days at Christmas and I have a lot of time on my hands to think about what kind of awesome presents to make/buy for everyone.

In an attempt to sort of get in the spirit, since all of the stores are covered in decorations, I've been listening to this song by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole, which I'm sure you're heard before. It's the What a Wonderful World/Somewhere Over the Rainbow ukulele mash-up. I think I get like, money if you click on the link over there <- and buy the Fred Claus soundtrack, which is the only place to get this song. Yes, I have it.

Anyway, like I said, there will be more updates soon, more ridiculous stories about online dating and my cat Baby, etc. But I just had to get this other stuff off my chest to move forward.

BRB!

Kind of a crazy weekend, paired with quite a few deadlines and exams this week, and I haven't had much time for an update. Stay tuned for another story about my cat, and some videos of me looking sort of awkward doing random things while being video recorded. Until then, here is a column I just wrote for the Free Press.

Post Election Blues

Another Night at the Front Room

I love going to the Front Room. Their happy hour is awesome, you can eat for really cheap (giant BLT for $6,) or you can eat reasonably fancy. They have a great happy hour and they're approximately three blocks from my house. A few months ago I had some terrible service there, but it was Sunday morning brunch, and it's possible to get bad service anywhere on Sunday morning. Josh and I used to live like, next door and I wrote about this night in 2008 and the other morning I ran into this guy at brunch. He asked me if I worked at Bayside Bowl. I just about yelled: I KNOW YOU SLEPT WITH A STUDENT YOU CREEPER LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm low maintenance and I tip well- occasionally when I'm at a table I feel like I'm inconveniencing the server, but maybe that's because their entire job is inconvenient. Or I'm over sensitive about pleasing my server, when it should obviously be the other way around.

Bob, one of the bartenders, Angela and I, have an inside joke: Angela was explaining how this cruise ship looked like it was trying to mount the City of Portland and I said that everything was always about sex with her. Bob pipes in and says, no talking about sex at the bar (though mostly stoic and never smiles, he's a good bartender and this proves yes, he has a sense of humor.) A few minutes later, our mussels come out, and a few minutes after that, he asked us how the mussels were. Except... that's what he meant to say. My mouth was full so I just nodded and gave a thumbs up, Angela and Bob exchanged a what just happened look... He actually asked us how the sex was. I change my answer from thumbs up, to non-existent. Now every time he sees us it's, "How's the sex, ladies?"

Tonight, I went by for a hot toddie and some soup. I was travelling for 30 hours, then went out when I got home I went out... and last night my throat started tickling. I set out on this rainy Thursday evening in leggings and Bean boots, a giant sweater which I pulled over my pajama shirt last from last night, meaning, no bra. My hair wasn't washed, frizzy from the rain, and pulled back in a bun. But I planned on keeping my head down at the bar, eating and leaving, plus it was cold and rainy. Once it starts snowing I'll practically live in this outfit. The meal, grilled cheese and red pepper-fennel bisque, was satisfying. Partway through, I moved over to make two open seats next to me on my left, and met some bros who started talking to me about the bowling alley... not uncommon. On my right was now a man in his late 60s-ish, having dinner with a younger guy. When I first look over, I think the younger guy is pretty hot, but then I took a closer look and was less impressed. I heard him recounting this ridiculous story about how when he was 21 and working as some sort of laborer, he would walk around the building with no shirt on, carrying 2x4s, getting in the elevator with men in suits, how he couldn't imagine behaving that way now. Maybe he could tell I was listening... I also heard him say something about his students, so he's a teacher of some sort. Could be karate for all I know.

It's pretty close quarters in there when the dining room is full, and I hung up my wet, yellow raincoat. On my way out, I push my some people, grab my jacket, go back to the bar to get my phone and my purse, and make my way to the door. There are people waiting for a table, blocking the exit and I stand patiently for a second, until they'll notice me and get the fuck out of my way, when I hear, "Excuse me." I'm shocked, my pulse quickens and if someone tries to push passed me to get out the door they'd better be on fire or in labor- otherwise they're getting a big healthy dose of "Go Fuck Yourself." I'm out the door when I hear it again, and I'm about ready to thank that person for chasing me to return my wallet/cellphone/whatever I've left at the bar, and it's that guy. The shirtless at 21 guy, and he's leaning into the door at me. He's taller than I expected. "Would you like to come back here and have drinks and some dinner with me?" Holy shit! This stuff actually happens to people. Maybe my new contacts are working? I wonder what the 60 year old had to say about this. I look him in the eye, look away, look again, smile, and tell him that I usually work nights, and that maybe I'd see him there again sometime.

Road Trip Update: Homestretch

Vegas to Los Angeles, and LA to San Francisco was really fun. We decided to skip the entirety of Route 1 up the coast, for the sake of time, but it was worth it at Santa Cruz... some truly breathtaking coastal views.

Anyway, I'm not going to bother with details about the last days in LA and SF- Some things are better left unsaid. Except, that it was so great seeing Craig, and not just because I beat him at bowling (cough, ahem, first game).

Kate and I got a little crazy watching game three of the World Series two nights later. I wake up somewhere in San Francisco, ridculously hungover, aftermath of some party, safe, but without Kate. Not only do I not know where I am, but I don't know how to get to the airport. Iknow there are busses, so I ask a busdriver where to go. I left at 7 a.m. to catch a flight I thought left at 10 a.m. I look at my confirmation email again at the subway and nope, not leaving until noon. Good thing I woke up so early.

Upon arrival at the airport, I follow signs to United. I go to the self-check in kiosk... And my name does not pop up. I pull out the confirmation email again, to check the flight number, and realize I'm actually flying Delta. There are a few important things you need to know when you're flying, where you're flying out of, what time and what airline. I'd already gotten two out of three wrong, thank goodness San Francisco only has one airport. I attempted to help the hangover with a minosa/steak/eggs breakfast, to no avail.

I'm excited to be on the aisle and not sandwiched in the middle. But we left the Tarmac an hour late due to some fueling issue. Now, I've missed flights before, lost luggage, had to run for a gate and I'm still here, in one piece. It was out of my control- so I chose not to worry about it until I had to. I watched the new Twilight movie and I might be on Team Jacob. I also watched this movie called the A-Team, with Bradley Cooper. Not a bad lineup for a three and a half hour flight.

The delay left me only twenty minutes until the next plane left. I arrived at Gate E and decided to run for it- all the way to Gate B. That's a lot of ground to cover, and if I wasn't such a state of panic, I probably would have realized there's a shuttle. (I implore you, if you're on an escolater or one of those moving sidewalk things, step aside. There's probably someone in a hurry, especially in someplace like Atlanta, the biggest fucking airport ever.) Before my mom took her first plane ride last year, her worst fear of flying wasn't claustrophobia, hijackers or crashing, but that in the same vein as Home Alone, she'd have to haul ass through an airport to make her flight.

I ran. I ran with my giant Portmanteau Nana bag. I ran until I couldn't breathe. My teeth hurt and my heels hurt and I ran. I remember from a science class in middle school that if your body doesn't get enough oxygen, some sort of acid takes over or something. That was happening. Over these moments, I was thinking to myself a few eloquent, poetic things, like, Get the fuck outta my way, I should be in better shape, This never would've happened on JetBlue,  People who run for fun are insane goddamn masocists, This is probably the worst possible time to be hungover. I almost vomited on the man at the gate and can barely get out between gasps for air- Did it leave? The plane was scheduled to depart at 8:40 and I arrived at 8:37. No joke. I missed it.

There's nothing I can do except wait until I get to the bathroom to start sobbing uncontrollably. I pull myself together as some woman said,"Honey, I don't know what's wrong, but I'm sure it'll be okay." I said, "I missed my plane." It was the last plane to Maine for the night.

I go to the help desk. Other people from my San Francisco flight are there, and I'm irritated to be directed to a phone and not a person. I find another woman trying to get to Maine, and I try to listen in to see what they offer her. I'm told to get back to the front of the line.

In a moment of desparation, I try to fly to Boston. The woman at the help desk is definitely neither listening nor helpful. She tells me I'm going to need to hurry to make the Boston flight, and I nearly tell her to go fuck herself. I get to the gate and realize that there isn't going to be a bus leaving Boston for Portland at midnight. So I go to the help desk.

Yolande is really helpful, and gives me food and hotel vouchers. I'm staying at the Comfort Inn, there's a shuttle, and I'll have a bed, shower and be back in time to take my Marine Biology Lab quiz at 12. I take my food voucher to the Chili's, because who knows if there's a bar  food at the Comfort Inn. I meet a guy from Tampa, who looks like he's got some great stories, but I'm too tired, hungover, dehydrated, hungry and under-caffinated to care. I have half a turkey club, two margaritas, and make my way to the shuttle.

At 11 p.m. I'm in my hotel room. It's clean and inoffensive. I'd been in transit since 7 a.m. and I find on my ticket itenernary that Yolande is sending me to the wrong Portland. I call Delta. Apparently it's right Portland on my ticket, but not my itenerary. I get barely four hours of sleep, because I need to get on a shuttle at 4:30. In the morning.


My flights from both Atlanta to Laguardia and Laguardia to Portland are delayed,and I just about lost it- just about everything that could've gone wrong did. Luckily I make both flights, arrive in town at 12, and despite missing my biology quiz, I was happy to be home.