First, I turned to Facebook for some old-fashioned crowd sourcing. Ideally, I'd find a female doctor somewhere between home and work. The first suggestions missed the mark by about ten miles. I got impatient and Googled some random woman on the internet.
At my consultation appointment a week later, I was a few minutes later and Instagrammed this:
Here's the weird part.
"Amanda?" says nice lady with clipboard.
"Hi, nice to meet you."
"I'm sorry, can you tell me how to say your last name?"
"pl-OUGH" (Rhymes with snow, go, chateau. See what I did there? Let's go find a woodstove or something)
"Oh! Like p-l-o."
So we make small talk as she measures my spine, posture, pulse and whatever.
"How long have you been at your job?" as I rotate my head to the left and right as far as I could comfortable.
"Oh, uh, since May. Before that I was a student..."
"A non-traditional student."
"What do you mean?"
"You know, like traditional students go straight from high school to college and graduate around 21. I took some time off or whatever. I just say that because I don't want people to think it took me ten years to get my undergraduate degree."
"Not that there's anything wrong with that or anything."
"No, that's just what my son did! He took 6 or 7 years off and worked for a while. Then he went back to school. Once you take some time to figure out what you want to study it helps you get more serious."
"So what was your major?"
"That's was my son's major too! Oh! You should meet!"
"Is he doing some video production work now?"
"Yeah, and a little of this a little of that. He's also working at [name redacted]"*
*local independent record store that I worked at for a while in and immediately after high school.
For a minute I had to be like, wait a minute, have I boned your son? But no, I checked and re-checked my mental list. She said she was from Biddeford and I'm nearly positive I've never dated, made out with or anything else otherwise anyone from Biddeford. This also explains why she couldn't pronounce my last name: Biddeford residents are famous (in southern Maine) for bastardizing the pronunciation of French words.
See you at La Kermesse (LAKEr-mess), Biddo.
Oh, this is how effed my muscles are:
The left illustration shows what normal muscles are supposed to look like on the stress scale or whatever. I only have 4 normal muscles, and T8 is so disrupted it's off the Green, Blue, Red scale. It's taken the Black! Winter is coming!
More later. Bye.
Have you seen a chiropractor? How is it? Have you ever witnessed a Biddeford resident Jon Snow'ing a French word?